How to actively use therapy well

Therapy works best when it’s not something you passively receive, but something you participate in.

Most people arrive expecting answers.

Fewer arrive expecting questions — especially their own.

Yet one of the quiet shifts that often marks meaningful therapy is when clients begin asking better questions: of themselves, of the process, and of the relationship they’re in. Not to challenge therapy, but to inhabit it more fully.

This piece is about those questions. The kind that create clarity, direction, and agency.

Turning therapy into a genuine dialogue rather than a one-way intervention.

Therapy as a two-person process

Therapy isn’t a service delivered to you. It’s a space you enter with someone.

When questions only move in one direction, therapy can start to feel opaque or dependent. When questions flow both ways, the work tends to feel more grounded, collaborative, and alive.

It helps you understand what you’re doing, why you’re doing it, and how you’re changing — even when progress is subtle.

Questions to ask yourself before — and during — therapy

Questions aren’t about getting the ^“right^” answers. They’re about honesty. Avoidance often disguises itself as confusion. A series of useful question to ask yourself:

• Am I here because I genuinely want to explore something — or because I feel I should?
• Am I hoping therapy will change how I feel, or help me understand what I’m feeling?
• Am I open to noticing my own patterns, or mostly looking for solutions outside myself?

 Guiding Question  —  What am I steering away from?

Think actively, Is there something I keep circling without naming —  A topic I downplay, intellectualise, or postpone? Perhaps a feeling I talk around but don’t quite touch....

Avoidance doesn’t mean you’re failing therapy. It means you’re human. Noticing it is already part of the work.

You might also reflect on expectations:

• What do I think therapy should feel like by now?
• Am I expecting relief, insight, momentum — or permission to slow down?
• If I’m frustrated, what story am I telling myself about that frustration?

Guiding Question —  Where do I want to steering towards?

Questions to ask your therapist

Many people hesitate to ask therapists questions, worried it might feel confrontational or awkward.

In reality, most therapists welcome thoughtful questions. They signal engagement.

You might start with process questions:

• What are we focusing on at the moment?
• How do you see the work we’re doing fitting together over time?
• What tends to indicate progress in this kind of work?

These aren’t demands for certainty. They’re orientation points, helping you understand the terrain you’re moving through.

Feedback questions can also be quietly powerful.

Therapy is an ongoing conversation

The most effective therapy often feels less like being fixed and more like learning how to listen — to yourself, to patterns, to moments of choice.

Questions are part of that listening.

Over time, the questions you ask in therapy tend to follow you outside the room. They shaping how you reflect, respond, and relate.

And that’s often where the deeper value shows up.

#TherapyProcess #MentalHealthLiteracy #SelfReflection #TherapeuticRelationship